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Swish

by Dermot McGrath


An OPERATING THEATRE is


Culture Vulture

by Dermot McGrath October 2017

Music

Who composed this tune?

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Geography

Through which famous city does the River Seine flow?

Arts

What is the name of this prehistoric monument and in which country is it?

History

The Romans founded London. What did they call it?


Smile for a While


Hi Everybody,

It's joketime again.  I wonder what you´ll think

of today's jokes. I've already got my mind made up!

Let's start with the great joke...

You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a poisonous snake and a lawyer. You have a gun with only two bullets. What should you do?

Answer: Shoot the lawyer. Twice!!

That's my favourite lawyer joke. Hey, if you're a lawyer, I'm sorry. I've got lots of lawyer friends, really.... I swear...

THREE FRIENDS DIE IN CAR CRASH

Tragically, three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the gates of heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter.

"When you were in your casket and friends and family were mourning upon you, what would you have liked to hear them say  about you?", asks St. Peter.

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say......

LOOK!!! JESUS, HE'S MOVING!!!!!"

Hmmm... I'm not so sure about that one...  

Are you laughing, reader, are you...?

Hey reader, look, I didn't invent these jokes, ok!!

Dermot McGrath ebooks



Oneliners

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened :)

Observation, and not old age, brings wisdom


Foreign words & expressions


A LINGUA FRANCA is:


Think Language

Bob looked at his uncle and exclaimed excitedly: "You're my uncle Tom".

From this sentence we know that:

If you don't agree with Tom Red's Language Logic, just send him a message to lpdermot@gmail.com and he will reply to you.


Grammar Under Hammer

Many Elementary students know that:

The main difference between IN and INTO is that we use IN when an object or person is inside something or some place, e.g.

The men are IN the building

and we use INTO when we want to to indicate movement from an outside

position to an inside position, e.g.

The men are going INTO the building

The men are going IN the building (not correct)


Lpcomment

by Tom Red

THE LANGUAGE THAT NEVER REALLY WAS...

English vs. Esperanto

ESPERANTO is (or perhaps was might be more accurate for it is virtually unused) an artificial international language based, as far as possible, on words common to the chief European languages and their terminations.

Esperanto was created in 1887 by Dr. Ludwig Zamenhof (1859–1917), a Polish doctor for use as an international second language. There is virtually no grammar (mmm…. sounds great, doesn’t it?).

It is difficult to know how many people can speak or understand the language. Some sources say as few as 100,000, others say more than a million.

Some naive Esperanto believers still see it as a positive alternative to English and they claim it is much easier.

Esperanto was at its most popular in the 1920s.

As a potential vehicle for international understanding, Esperanto attracted the suspicion of many totalitarian states  especially Nazi Germany. Hitler was very critical of Esperanto in Mein Kampf seeing it as potentially dangerous, especially since Zamenhof was Jewish. Some of his family were persecuted and murdered as well as other Esperantists. Franco`s Spain and The Soviet Union under Stalin were equally unimpressed.

Curiously, fascist Italy, allowed the use of Esperanto because its phonology resembled that of Italian and they published touristic material in the language. After the Spanish Civil War Franco persecuted Catalan nationalists, some of whom spoke Esperanto as well as Catalan.

Esperanto grammar, although loosely based on the subject - verb - object order of the sentence, like in English, is otherwise virtually grammarless as far as syntax (word order) is concerned. Adjectives can be freely placed before or after the nouns they qualify and new words are formed by extensive prefixing and suffixing.

Esperanto has a 28-letter alphabet:

a b c ĉ d e f g ĝ h ĥ i j ĵ k l m n o p r s ŝ t u ŭ v z

As you can see

q w x y

are missing (or more accurately, don't exist)

Verbs don't have conjugations. For example, kanti means "to sing", mi kantas means "I sing", vi kantas means "you sing", and ili kantas means "they sing".

 

MY MISSION STATEMENT

A LITTLE KNOWLEDGE IS A DANGEROUS THING, SO
LEARN MORE AND BE SAFE!!

First and foremost, The Moonday Times is a magazine aimed at helping students practise their English. They say studying improves brain and mind. Great!
But for some, it’s like eating half-cooked broccoli every day because it’s good for your body. Ughhh! Not great!

Of course there are many factors at play.

Study is associated with school. We were forced to learn when we were small because, basically, the more knowledge we possessed, the better our chances were of getting a good job. Study was a necessity, it was never intended to be a pleasure.

But as we got older, the accumulation of knowledge became a choice, free from the constraints of exams. Almost all of us in the Western world have become self-learners to a greater or lesser extent and we gather all manner of facts and figures that interest us from sport to the night sky.
The 3 Rs (Reading – wRriting – aRithmetic) provided us with letters and numbers, the basic tools to explore the world far beyond our own personal experiences. They allowed us to assimilate facts and they spawned our fantasies. They engendered desires and inspired our dreams. We know about events that occurred hundreds and thousands of years ago and venture to speculate about things that might occur far in the future. But the present is a cornucopia of happenings some of which, if we are lucky, we can experience live at home or abroad. Even If we’re not so lucky to be in the exotic country of our dreams or in the stadium to watch the big match, smartphones and space-age watches keep us updated in real time. Yet, many of us are just as happy to relegate the reception of information to the tv screens and computers of our own living rooms.
My bi-monthly magazine, The Moonday Times is not primarily designed to teach you anything. I myself have to research, learn and double check many facts before I write each edition.
Rather, it is designed to test in a fun way all that knowledge you yourself have (or have not) accumulated of your own choosing during your life.

The MOONDAY TIMES brings you 8 main sections, viz.

Swish – this is a quick fact in English which may surprise foreign learners, e.g.
BRUNCH is a combnination of BReakfast and lUNCH
Oneliners – “I have nothing to declare except my genius,” said Oscar Wilde to custom offficials on entering the U.S
Smile For a While – you can read jokes in English. The idea is that they will make you smile but sometimes the jokes are so bad that you want to cry (we call these corny jokes)
Foreign Words and Expressions – In this section you will read the meaning of words like ad hoc and see it in a sample sentence
Grammar Under the Hammer – Check your Grammar level and grasp of Semantics – 5 levels - Beginner to Native Speaker
LPComment . Guest writer Tom Red talks about a topical subject or event. As distinct from newspapers which voice an opinión, LPComment is merely informative.
Culture Vulture – This is the main section and is divided into 4 categories, Music – Arts –History and Geography There are 4 levels - easy to very difficult.
THINK LANGUAGE is a special section I have made so that you can test your ability to understand the logic of the English language by using your grammar skills and deducing the correct connotation of words and expressions.

Language is very similar to mathematics in the sense that grammar structures will combine with definitive word meanings to produce a given result, e.g.

Simple structure – easy concept:

I’ll arrive at the station at 8 o’clock.

Complex structure – difficult concept:

If I had had time, I would have gone to the supermarket.

However difficult this second sentence may prove for foreign students of English, even the most academically uneducated native speaker will express it correctly. Both structure and concept have been deeply ingrained in her language brain since childhood.

So come on, test your Language logic with Think Language!

MY PARTING SHOT
DON’T DO IT WELL?
WELL DON’T DO IT!